OM MANI PADME HUM

Marriage is a great happy occasion in the lives of the two persons who have found each other. People then witness “that happy day” around a happy environment, and so a happy future life for them is taken for granted. Yet, how many marriages have worked out ‘quite well?’ Those who are ignorant believe in fairy tales and hope for the blessings of Gods to help those couples who are together.

It is a good thought, a great hope, but the reality of life still remains and samsaric faults will soon erode their new-found happiness. It is then discovered that the ceremony and best wishes are very often empty. The two persons living together will soon discover the faults of each other, will begin to suffer dissatisfactions and all kinds of pains associated with such discoveries. That is the moment, that they will have to live in marriage, to truly understand marriage, and then to discover what marriage really stands for.

Those who have wisdom will take steps to adjust to the new life and try to live in harmony by giving way whenever necessary. At such times, only those who have knowledge of the Buddha-Dharma are more likely to succeed in living out the early difficulties of two different persons’ outlooks and habits. Marriage is always trying, need not be as happy as one expects it to be.

It is indeed “heavens’ will” that two persons have chosen each other and not to grant them the instant, complete and lasting happiness, but for them to work out their differences, to learn to polish their tainted characters, to work out past karmas, so that those who are able to do so, will enjoy the bliss of a happy marriage. The perfection of marriage is therefore difficult to attain just as it is, to gain perfection in any worldly matters or in self-development.

Therefore, those who are married must expect a period of sufferings which are meant not to punish but to polish their characters. It will take time for true happiness to bloom, it will require one party to understand the other, one party to give way to the others whenever necessary and one party to give the good example for the other to realise its goodness. Marriage is then for two persons to learn about each other, to learn to pity rather than hate each other whenever faults are discovered. How many will succeed?

That is why for those who are fully committed to the path of cultivation, marriage is ruled out because of all its inherent sufferings that will soon arise which can bring cultivation to a nought. It will be almost too difficult for anyone with a troubled mind to think of kindness to others when he himself is filled with sufferings. More often than not, when someone is under the pains and stress of the emotions through the unhappy periods of marriage, he will become bitter and this will then allow the ‘demon of anger’ to take over his mind. Once this happens, it will be very difficult for him to see the truth, to forgive, or to come back to the right understanding which only can save him from becoming more and more perverted.

Those who have difficult spouses should try and accept that they have been directed to them by “heavens’ will” so that they too will not be subject to such negativities. Actually, they should not blame ‘heaven’ for those cruelties that have been inflicted on them. They should read, learn and try and understand the meaning of the Law of Cause and Effect. Nothing happens without a cause. More important, that good acts bring about good and happy results while bad causes done in the past will always bring forth painful and harmful results. But there are those who cannot remember having done anything wrong or harmful to anyone in their lives so that they may not accept the truth of the teachings or Karma. However, they have forgotten, or they just cannot remember. It is human to think of oneself being good or even perfect in all the things that they do; but they may not remember that there have been times when they have generated harmful and evil thoughts towards others. Even thoughts can bring results whether they are good or otherwise. What about their previous existences? Looking at the world, looking just at the life of any person, one can easily see countless wrong acts done by him either through actions of the body, including unkind or untruthful words as well as intentions. If one can see it, then through his marriage, to the one he loves most, how many “unforgiveable” faults can he find from this beloved wife? If so, then reflecting on his own faults sincerely, he will realise how imperfect he is too.

That is why life is for living and reflection. Marriage is a lesson for two persons to learn about life, about what faults lie in others and oneself. It is Dharma to those who can see it this way otherwise the marriage is doomed and out of the flower of love which bound them together bitterness becomes the fruit! Those who are married are therefore fortunate ones for they have living examples before them so that they can learn the nature of life, the reality of the people around them, so that they will have the opportunity to attain understanding and then, the wisdom that will cause him to practise that which is good and kindly, to become more patient and understanding and to accept the weaknesses of others!

Friday, 10th May 1985 (3rd Moon 21st Day)